she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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