I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
