Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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