Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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