feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
