No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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