and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
