We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
