Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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