saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
