It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
this is an emotional support booty call
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
