Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize