What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My room smells like vodka and shame
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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