he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
