I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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