You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
