Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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