im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
