she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
