They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
