I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
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We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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