im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
