you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
