dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
