Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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