Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
