You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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