I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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