ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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