I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
