I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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