I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
