dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
