now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
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