please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
