Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
