Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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