he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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