I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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