You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
