He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
