i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
