I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
