i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
