btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize