What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
