U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
