So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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