The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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