Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
