we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am midnight drunk by noon
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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