its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
sarcasm needs its own font
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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