Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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