I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize