That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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