As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
