All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
