my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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