sarcasm needs its own font
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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