Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
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He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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