You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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