somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
