Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
