If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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