New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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