So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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