so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
