why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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