My underwear smells like fireworks.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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