You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
