After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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