Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
