for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
