Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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