jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
