thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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