im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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