I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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