All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just invented taco cereal.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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