Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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