No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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