that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
