i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
