i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just want nice things and good sex
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
