I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
