I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
