I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
