Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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