I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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