Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Mom said you looked used
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
