he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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